I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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