I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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