Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
