Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
BRING THE BAGELS
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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