super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
