Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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