last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
