i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
