Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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