and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
