once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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