I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
