good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
