Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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