I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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