yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
