Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
