The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
