I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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