i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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