the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
