I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
