So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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