The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
