does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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