Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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