Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
