wrigley field is MILF paradise
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
