Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
