the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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