The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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