Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
