I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
