I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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