Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
