There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
