Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
