"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
