May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
