So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
