So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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