How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
