Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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