she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
