Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
