my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
