He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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