never play flip cup with pint glasses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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