The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Of course heās picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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