He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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