I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
