four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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